garden state

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when summer comes to an end, it can feel to me like the world is ending, too.

I know the other seasons have their beauty and their possibilities. but the earlier sunsets, the days getting shorter and darker: that’s always been a trouble trigger for me. it’s when the fear of relapsing, getting sick and my depression gaining ground starts to press in.

the song I wrote, garden StaTE, is me freeze-framing a moment from summer so I can hold on to it. because sometimes the unsafe place isn’t out there in the world — it’s inside of me.

(76 in the lyrics is the gas station on Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn.)

garden StaTE you ride me on your handlebars / to pick up takeout after midnight / across the street from 76 / you remind me of these six different Nirvana songs I like / I play one in my head I can’t turn off because I’m scared / & not because it’s late but because of the sad-but-beautiful feeling in my chest / the whole time my heart is moving like the soundtrack from Garden State / & we pretend it’s safe so we can go anywhere we like

31 responses to “garden state”

  1. Sara Flower Avatar
    Sara Flower

    That’s beautiful. Freeze framing your feelings around summer to take with you during the cooler months.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. cookie Avatar
      cookie

      dear Sara, I bet a lot of us write and make things to help us keep it all together in times when it’s really, really hard to. thank you always for visiting me and leaving behind your kind thoughts. x

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
      1. Sara Flower Avatar
        Sara Flower

        Yes it’s really the best way to stay grounded when things get sad or out of control.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Susana Cabaço Avatar
    Susana Cabaço

    “Because sometimes the unsafe place isn’t out there in the world — it’s inside of me.” Until we are able to feel safe inside, no matter the outside, we are still not totally “home,” meaning in our power. There are still fences and gates that we need to jump over or open up, respectively. They can delay our journey a bit, but we have an inner reservoir of strength and a higher Source of Light to help us in that. The thing is to access them… And here is where our inner shadow work (or therapy) enters the game. Lovely song and very reflective post, Cookie! These are times of change, but change doesn’t have to be hard; it can even be beautiful. Look at the trees in their unique, warm colors and how elegantly they shed their leaves, without losing their essence or strength… Appreciate you and your expressions, always, my friend. Infinite blessings and light your way, today and forevermore! 🙏✨💖

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. cookie Avatar
      cookie

      dear Susana, I will hold tight to these warm truths. thank you always for guiding me. x

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Susana Cabaço Avatar
        Susana Cabaço

        Grateful for you, beautiful soul! You are one of a kind, and I appreciate you so! Infinite blessings and light your way, always! 🙏✨💖

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Cindy Georgakas Avatar
    Cindy Georgakas

    Oh Cookie, I know what you mean about summer ending. It’s always hard to say goodbye and I’m dreading the early dark and evening! Your songs bring light with nirvana and garden 🪴 on our chest to see us through, we can do this-:) beautiful song!
    🩷💃🙌🏽

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. cookie Avatar
      cookie

      dear Cindy, these are very beautiful and meaningful words. thank you, from my heart to yours. x

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Cindy Georgakas Avatar
        Cindy Georgakas

        You’re so welcome, always, Cookie. I will keep your words close as well!
        I’m visiting in Oct or November for 3 nights only. I’d love to see you if we can squeeze in coffee or tea 🍵

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Michele Lee Avatar
    Michele Lee

    Thank you for sharing your voice, dear cookie. Your lyrics are touching and I understand what you mean about the shorter days. 💛

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. cookie Avatar
      cookie

      hi Michele. I take comfort knowing your stories, photographs and smile will be there in winter. x

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Michele Lee Avatar
        Michele Lee

        Hi cookie 👋🏻 I will keep a light on for you. 🕯️ Thank you for the sweet reply. x

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Willie Torres Jr. Avatar
    Willie Torres Jr.

    I feel the same way, Cookie, we’re so much alike. 🍂 I love the colors, the crisp air, the wearing of flannels and football jerseys, and all the fall flavors, but like you, I dread what comes after with the cold, snow, and long winter nights. ❄️ It can stir up fear and sadness, but I remind myself that God is with us in every season, and His light never fades. 🙏🏻❤️

    And as for the song, wow, absolutely beautiful …

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. cookie Avatar
      cookie

      dear Willie, it makes me happy that you get me. your constant, gentle reminders that God is with us is a blessing. thank you, and I’m glad you liked my song. x

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Willie Torres Jr. Avatar
        Willie Torres Jr.

        Be Safe, Be Well, Be Blessed. You Are Loved…

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Sheila “Spiral Sister” Murrey Avatar
    Sheila “Spiral Sister” Murrey

    Love the references, cookie. Whatever and whenever we can sing or hum to ourselves to feel better, safe, calm, works for me. We feel winter beginning to close in on us too. Ugh
    One more day trip out soon though!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. cookie Avatar
      cookie

      hi Sheila. singing makes things a whole lot better.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Sheila “Spiral Sister” Murrey Avatar
        Sheila “Spiral Sister” Murrey

        I just read something on humming the other day. Calms or switches one to parasympathetic nervous system?

        Liked by 1 person

  7. graysummers Avatar
    graysummers

    I had to go take a look at the Garden State soundtrack cookie. Also, little short outtakes on the film. Looks like a fantastic, cult status genre you love. The 20th anniversary live presentation of the music, etc. on stage was well received. Your song captures the mood perfectly. Lovely vibe. You nailed your poetic lyrics to a great melody again.

    I understand your fears for the winter ahead. I try to escape by finding alternatives. Little winter scenarios that give positive experiences. Wintery cooking choices, music choices (as you have here), reading specific books (a Christmas Carol the perfect feel good one), winter aromatherapy with appropriate oils chosen, etc.

    I suppose people do find comfort in winter events which distracts from the short days and light. It’s the weather that rankles. I love Christmas for the ultimate comforting hug that it gives. A fantastic book I read was by Katherine May called ‘Wintering’. As she says, ‘This is the courage to stare down the worst parts of our experience and commit to healing them the best we can’.

    But we all cope differently I suppose. We have a lot of rain here in Wales which can be claustrophobic. I listen to Mamunia by Sir Paul McCartney and it simply makes the face smile.

    Fingers crossed for a lovely sharp positive energy for you regarding the wintering. And carry that sound track in your MP3 back pocket.

    Cheers cookie. Sending you hopes for nighttime 💫 filled clear skies and summery memories of 🌞shine.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. cookie Avatar
      cookie

      ♥️

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    2. cookie Avatar
      cookie

      the film was made a long time ago. I love it because parts of it feel like they’re happening to me every single day.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. graysummers Avatar
        graysummers

        I had to smile at your ‘long time ago’ phrase cookie. 2004 is a recent for myself. The 1960s are my ‘long time ago’. But totally understand that you have kept faith with your influences. The longer they remain in life as a favourite mainstay and give positivity with revisits, then the more they are likely to stay throughout life’s future journey too. It’s nice to have stories, and songs, that mirror one’s life. Especially when technology allows viewing and listening easily. If the stories and lyrics make sense, they can give answers to one’s emotional questions.

        All the best cookie.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. cookie Avatar
        cookie

        Gray, sry, I wasn’t thinking. I mean, it’s a classic. like you. 🤍

        Liked by 1 person

      3. graysummers Avatar
        graysummers

        There’s nothing to be sorry about cookie. You made me smile. Energy exists in the individual ways we express ourselves. Never change your inherent energy and uniqueness.

        You say classic, I say vintage. Old, but with hoped for relevance. Vintage, in being still relevant, is blessed with the gift of giving positively and with genuine generosity. It is always something to treasure in life. Like you finding the story and music of Garden State and skateboards and myself finding a certain Billie Cloud 9 VeeDub Bus and The Beatles.

        And hopefully both of us can contribute by being able to write our music and words and to realise them becoming of future classic/vintage status ….. and that our songs have a positive effect for others to enjoy.

        Cheers cookie. 💫

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Frank Hudson Avatar
    Frank Hudson

    This is one of my favorites of your songs Cookie. Sounds and expresses the raw stuff around where feelings lie hidden, and the music allows itself to bend around the words as they say what they honestly want to say. The result: powerful emotional communication.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. cookie Avatar
      cookie

      ♥️🤍♥️I love that you said this to me, Frank.

      Like

      Reply
  9. destiny Avatar
    destiny

    🤍

    Like

    Reply
  10. destiny Avatar
    destiny

    Just dropping a hi and hope you well, Cookie…🤍

    Like

    Reply
    1. cookie Avatar
      cookie

      hi. thank you for wondering, D. I’m up and down, you know. the doctors have me on a couple of meds now. the antidepressant makes me drowsy. but it’s not addictive. the other, for the SU, gives me headaches. I have good days when I don’t feel this way and that feels soooo good. I hope you’re OK. I miss your beautiful poems.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. destiny Avatar
        destiny

        Hey…I hope the meds settle well and these side effects ease up soon, Cookie… and as we move into October (🥴lol) …let’s make a wish, Cookie…to more goooood days…🤗ameen…🤲
        In my culture we say ameen..😋 and it’s a heartfelt dua for you. you take care okay…think of you lots and wish well for you always.

        I’m okay …as okay as okay means nowadays lol 🥴
        time is rushing…some minor health issues…and a wee bit time consuming phases for both my girls at school…so being here writing (as much as I want to😭) is a little difficult lol…
        🤞 Soon I’m hoping, Cookie…

        miss you lots…🤍💫

        Liked by 1 person

      2. cookie Avatar
        cookie

        I love that wish, for both of us. ♥️

        Liked by 1 person

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