once, on a bus, I felt I’d lived another life, another time. it made me think: if I were somewhere else, lived in a different era, I’d still want to be a musician. to be alive, awake, and tuned into everything, even the things that hurt.

I don’t want to die; I just sometimes wish for a break from self-awareness. the endless “where am I going? what am I doing?” thoughts can be exhausting. life feels both simple and impossibly complex. we all share that feeling—it’s what makes us “we.”

emotions, experiences, highs, withdrawals—they’re all part of what I’m made of, shaping me constantly. but no matter where I go—on a skateboard, in a downtown crowd, or alone in my room—I’m still here, alive, with the same questions.

the key is not to worry. I am doing the best I can. and Brooklyn, the city, it’s all in motion. life continues, always moving forward.

here’s the batch of nine songs I’ve completed this year, shared in the order they’re posted on my bandcamp. they feature the stunning street art by Joe Iurato, graciously shared as my “album” cover. I hope you’ll listen sometime and that a couple will mean something to you.

27 responses to “once, on a bus”

  1. I love this post, cookie. I think your observations are deeply moving! I notice the cross (of the power pole) behind Joe’s exquisite street art, and it speaks volumes to me. Listening to your songs when I meditate this evening and will comment again. I thoroughly agree though that we are not to worry. We are simply observing. Unattached.

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  2. I love this post, cookie. I think your observations are deeply moving! I notice the cross (of the power pole) behind Joe’s exquisite street art, and it speaks volumes to me. Listening to your songs when I meditate this evening and will comment again. I thoroughly agree though that we are not to worry. We are simply observing. Unattached.

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    1. I noticed that symbol too, Sheila. it’s amazing how there are signs all around us, always watching over and noticing us. x

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      1. Beautiful. I am listening now, as I go into the sauna.

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      2. Of course, I listened to one song and something happened that has not happened here yet! My daughter came over and even up the stairs as I was getting into the sauna. She visited the rest of the evening with us too, so I will continue listening to the rest of your songs tomorrow, cookie. I just wanted to let you know. I enjoyed the first one!

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      3. Finally, I am back to give you some feedback on the songs, cookie! My apologies for the delay, but every evening has been eventful here (mych more than usual). And night time is when I get my solitary time to read/comment.

        Anyway, I had planned to review each song. Maybe I will do that in a blog article. I will say, your voice and the way you record it is very pleasing when one is relaxing. Keep in mind I have tinnitus, so there were times that I would pick up a tiny bit of tin sounding twinge or squeal (I really don’t know how to explain that). I sing but don’t play any instruments, nor do I record any music (my husband does that). So I can only use layman’s terms to describe what I hear.

        I would love to hear your raw voice, without any echo, reverb, or other manipulation (if that makes sense)?

        I also feel like you paint pictures with your lyrics, tone, and style of singing, that’s quite interesting. Think of singers like Lorde or Nora Jones. I think your voice is so distinctive with a kind of ethereal quality, which is why I listened to a couple of the songs twice, to try and put my finger on why they mesmerized me.

        Keep writing and sharing!

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      4. hi Sheila, I’m sorry to hear about your tinnitus—that must really be difficult. I’ve got another set of songs on my SoundCloud and Bandcamp without any heavy guitar distortion. maybe those would be easier to listen to? thank you for checking out my music.

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      5. Yes, I would love to check out more of your songs, cookie! Thank you! Feel free to send a link. The distortion was only a very small amount but I wanted to mention because I didn’t know if it was due to the playing or the recording. I didn’t want to come across negative at all. I hope that makes sense? You are definitely on the right track in regards to songwriting. Staying true to yourself; authenticity rules!

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  3. Thanks for sharing. I can’t wait to listen to all your tracks!

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    1. o, thank you! that would mean so much to me.

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  4. I love that your music offers solace and opens your heart like it does mine when I listen to it Cookie!
    It’s the double edge side of the coin with awareness. You can never go back but staying on the road in practice in the now, it gets easier and easier! Hugs and love 💗

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    1. hugs back Cindy. ❤️ reading your poems and about your precious family just lifts me up. x

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  5. Thank you for sharing your playlist from the year, dear cookie and for sharing your life reflections. ✨ As part of the “we” they are relatable to me. 🙏🏻 I will be enjoying your music over the coming days. 🎶 Take care and stay warm.

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    1. Michele, as you know this year’s been a rollercoaster for me—every time I took a step forward, I had a setback. but I know I just have to keep pushing forward. you are a blessing and a bright spot. thank you.

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      1. I know dear cookie and I also know you are making your way, while not losing sight of hope or your unique gifts. ✨ I feel the same about you. Thank you. 🌼🙏🏻🎶

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  6. Firstly cookie, I am so pleased that Sheila has found you. Such a lovely blogger that I follow, and she also follows me luckily. Secondly, thanks for the opportunity to listen to this whole album again. I last listened through about a month plus back. Long time, but I have been very busy with my daughter’s house move. And a certain cat called Frankie the Fella.

    I remember thinking, on that listening, about your style and use of guitar as solo accompaniment. What you create is timeless because of this very fact. The Dollar Tree for example. You could be on stage playing this song in Camden Town, London Town in the height of 1970s punk. Your presence on stage in solo status and just playing guitar would go down like a storm (translated from my old guy speak….it means ‘brilliantly’). I often think of songs in terms of timelessness. You maybe too close to your songs to realise, but as someone who has been listening to music all my 68 years of life, (my Mum and Dad played songs continuously on the old Dansette vinyl record player) I can kind of see (and hear) songs befitting both timeless qualities and slotting nicely into certain eras. You cross decades. Shin with the 50’s60’s tremolo sound. Winterzzz with the ‘Long hair made me feel brave’ insightfulness of current trending self image. And as Marc Bolan or The Beatles sang out the repetitive tuneful lyrics of Hot Love and Let it Be, the song St. Saviour with its Wow! is really brave to exit on and being confident in your melody. Winona is both beautiful and timeless.

    I can link with and understand the music content cookie. At the same time, I have not been in the emotional part of your personal journey regards the roller coaster ride you find from day to day. Week to week. Or even month to month. But I do understand that writing songs which you believe in can bring such grace to our lives. And luckily, as I wrote in ‘Eddie just loves to dance’ and his emotions of experiencing the next public dance floor dance presentation to sound of Northern Soul tunes…..he thinks to himself ‘Tomorrow’s just a heartbeat away’. Similar to Dobie Gray who sang ‘I’m getting my kicks out on the floor’. We, the both of us, get our kicks by singing our self written songs. You have a plethora of lyrics and tunes still to write cookie. For myself? January is going to be a belter of a month. Re-recording the songs again. Back to You…Yourself? I am particularly very keen on listening to a ‘cookie nieves’ third album excursion. 😊

    By the way. I remember you saying about this second album excursion and the fragility you felt on putting it out there. Firstly. Bandcamp has a superior quality and does your songs so much justice. And secondly, this collective second album song list is so spot on.

    All the best cookie.

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    1. Gray, I don’t know what to say. when someone I admire so much, who’s shared so many valuable life lessons with me, shows me such kindness, it’s overwhelming.

      when you write to me about the different artists from different times whom you admire, I wish I could’ve seen and felt them first hand live somewhere or just been alive when they were all coming out. I don’t know much about any of them, even Beatles—I mean they’re always in the air but I never seem to go deep on them. so maybe there’s a spiritual continuity happening, who knows.

      I don’t have big dreams about playing places or going anywhere. I want to keep writing and singing, hoping for more to come. that’s really all I hope for. it’s the moments in between the tough, heavy life stuff that really keep me going. that’s what I live for, and those moments bring me back to life. much love to you.

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      1. Thanks for this really thoughtful reply cookie. Music, as you know and understand, is timeless. And when we are privileged to be able to contribute to the art form with our own songs and stories, then we are both very much humbled. The days from being under 5 years old, hold special known memories of my Mum dancing to the records on the Dansette. You know I can never visualise moments in life. And you never know what is next musically and so it continues.

        The future days ahead, when I can only (hopefully) listen to songs from the universal sky and beyond, will be your own treasured future musical listens. One wonders how music will develop. But I must admit, I have been gifted with some amazing music listens over the decades. Especially in the 1970s and 1980s. You’d have made a perfect punk/new wave music contributor with your vocal style, great melodies and observational poet’s lyrics cookie.

        Recording our music also gives purpose to each day cookie. I was chatting with Ol’ Shep, the harp (harmonica) player, about leaving our music on platforms for people to listen to. It is nice to think that we three are being listened to around the World from our blog uploads. And, yes, I now believe that my whole life’s musical ambitions have been the best time ever in this quiet recent retirement solitude and application. I am at peace with my songs. Gone are the days where to be successful is to think Taylor Swift country. To be successful is to have self calm through our songwriting and an ‘each day’s or week’s focus’ on achieving a song that helps us heal. Cheers cookie. You are a star as always. 💫

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      2. Hi cookie. Are you okay?

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  7. Isn’t it wonderful that intuitively we “know” we lived before?! And that we can even grasp subtle nuances of our doings in these other times?! Often, they are the things that unexplainably resonate within us in this lifetime. I am sure it was music in your case! I loved your writing, Cookie—very profound, as it is typical for a deep soul! I even resonated with the “wish for a break,” not necessarily from self-awareness in my case, but more from the gloominess of the world and related twists of the mind. I will now listen to your 2024 music production. I liked your album cover very much. Wishing you a peaceful day, with lots of light and blessings, my friend! You are special ❤ 

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    1. Susana, reading you has become part of my Sunday ritual. thank you for helping me stay in touch with the divine, and myself. x

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      1. Your words added a special spark to my day, my friend! Thank you for being here and for being you ❤

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  8. Remembering back to my 20s and learning guitar so that I could write songs during a lonely part of my life I’ll testify that writing songs can be a balm to troubles and a road to self-understanding. I think you too are finding that.

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    1. dear Frank, thank you so much for your support here and on Bandcamp—it truly means a lot to me! I noticed this morning that you started following me, and I just wanted to let you know how much your encouragement has inspired me to keep sharing my music. I really appreciate it.

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  9. Hey, cookie! The benefits of being in a fast-paced city is that it can help you move forward.

    I’m sorry you were feeling low. I’ve had moments like that too & it’s scary. Im glad you have your music. And I’m sure in any era you’d go where the music is.

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