last week, while biking from Times Square to Dumbo Park, this couple from out of town stopped me for directions to the Empire State Building.
I often get stopped for directions, probably because I look like I know where I’m going. plus I’m not afraid to make eye contact with strangers. you notice a lot about people when you look them in the eyes.
this couple seemed friendly enough and appreciated my help. but something unexpected happened. when I told them it was safe to walk the half-mile down Broadway, the man responded, “Yes, but we don’t look like you.” confused, I asked what he meant, and he replied, “‘You know, like a street person with nothing to steal.” they laughed. I reassured him there was no need to worry and wished them a good day.
his comment didn’t bother me for very long. but what he said got me thinking about my sense of self and my identity.
I mean identities. I believe all of us have multiple identities.
so, I’m a young adult. someone’s child. someone’s grandchild. a Spanish-American. a Brooklynite. a person with a substance use disorder. a skateboarder. a person in recovery. a musician, a songwriter. I could keep going.
the way I rank my identities changes, it constantly changes. I have the right to rank them in the order I choose. I get to choose which part of myself I want to embrace at any given time.
one of the things that bothers me about the world is that the world sometimes chooses for you how to rank your own identities. no one has the right to do that to anyone —label them poor, or street person, or addict, druggie, junkie, clean, or any other name.
but like, this guy I was helping out looked at me and said, number one, that’s a poor street bum, and whether he meant to or not labeled me like, you know, less than a full person.
there are many parts to all of us. we all have multiple identities — professional, personal, cultural, emotional — and the beauty is in the flexibility to decide which one to lead with, depending on the situation. it’s your choice to show up as the version of yourself that best fits the moment, and that fluidity is a source of strength.
we get to foreground the identity we want. when we do that for other people we diminish their humanity. when we do that to people, we presume to understand them, when in fact we don’t.
so to the couple who stopped me for directions: I hope you had a pleasant visit. and that you returned home with fond memories of things you experienced and the different people you met. o, and one more thing:
remember, you are not original. you are shaped by everyone you have ever known. that means you may be more like me than you realize.
You’re too kind. Love this message though. 
cookie nieves 
Leave a reply to Michele Lee Cancel reply