one of the new people in group is Angelique, who went to a music and performing arts high school on the upper west side where a lot of the kids are on drugs I’ve heard.
she used to drink but then she began using opioids because she says it’s not as easy to track missing pills as it is missing alcohol.
she’s always tired and really skinny. she has a lot of piercings and a skateboard and no one drops her off at group. it’s like she just appears, as if by some miracle, as if she poured forth from the city itself.
we talk a little because we have skating in common plus the music thing going on. she plays woodwinds, mostly bass clarinet. the other day she told me that she always feels alone, like she’s never home. she says she doesn’t connect with being on earth, it’s as if she belongs to some other planet.
I think a lot of people feel alienated from time to time, but for people with SUD this feeling can be 24/7. it can become a part of your identity. substance misuse helps to numb your feelings of loneliness. at the same time, it can contribute to feelings of loneliness. it’s like one thing fuels the other.
I want to believe that connection is a kind of planet. maybe it’s floating through some other dimension right now but casting its shadow on Angelique and everyone in group, slowly pulling us closer and closer until one day we’re all finally there.
cookie nieves 
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