when I am talking to myself, I often wonder: who is talking and who is listening? because someone always is, talking and listening, and it’s still me.
the fearful, compliant voice I hear comes from the part of my head that isn’t particularly good at making music. but it’s really good at drawing horrible pictures.
that side of me paints me into scenes where I get knocked down and can’t get up, can’t do better, can’t see a way out. that voice says, no one likes you, don’t even bother trying to make a new song, or posting music, or playing for people, or staying in the recovery program.
the one getting shut down and silenced is that other voice. this voice is coming from the part of me that wants to keep going, keep finding a way forward when I’m knocked off course, keep learning from my choices, keep making music and getting better.
I am in a dance with both, like, all the time.
it’s easy to listen to that first voice and do what it says. trusting myself and not fearing failure and rejection is harder. but it’s worth it.
if I’m going to handle the failure and rejection, I’m going to have to keep telling myself that it’s okay. the next song I write might not be my best, and it’s okay. most people may not like my songs, and it’s okay. it only means they want something different from what I’ve got to give. the empowering truth is no one cares enough about me to understand me and then reject me. it’s about them, not me. and that’s okay. my audience will be somebody else.
if I’m going to trust myself, I’m going to have to listen to that second voice more often. because if do, and I can train it to show up and be heard more often, then my life and my music will get better.
cookie nieves 
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